Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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