You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
