I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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