I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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