why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
