i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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