so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
