im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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