Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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