Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
