i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
