As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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