Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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