dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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