Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
