Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
