i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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