wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
