Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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