she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
