he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
