butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
