Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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