I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
