Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
