After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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