My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
