i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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