i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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