were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
