I could have mohawked her pubes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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