Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
