i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
