So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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