I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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