Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
