Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
