the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
