So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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