this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
