my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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