So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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