Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
