It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
