I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
