You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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