I think I died a long time ago.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
