Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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