I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
