We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
