he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
